NEGATIVE EMOTIONS: PART 2

 GUILT AND FEAR

FEELING GUILTY

 Feeling guilty can be normal and healthy. When people become aware that they have hurt others or hurt themselves, it is normal for them to feel guilty. In these situations, people feel guilty because they are aware that they have hurt someone.

Addiction causes pain in lives of addicted people and the people around them. Addiction means that a person continues to drink or use drugs despite negative consequences such as breaking promises, lying, stealing and hurting people in other ways.

 

As addiction progresses over time, the pain inflicted on others becomes more severe and more frequent. Thus, addicted people may initially feel guilty, but stop feeling guilty after a while. This is part of the denial process. People stop feeling guilt and other feelings they become emotionally numb.

During recovery, feelings start to return. People become aware of the ways that their addiction has hurt themselves and others. People may become flooded with guilt because of sudden awareness of the harm that they have caused. They will often say, “I didn’t realize that I hurt so many people.” Guilt helps people become aware of the adverse consequences of their addiction. This is generally healthy and normal.

 

TOO MUCH GUILT

 Many unpleasant experiences are normal and healthy, and they have a valuable purpose. For example, being able experience pain is healthy because it is a signal that something is wrong. When people experience pain, they become aware that a problem or danger exists and that they need to do something about it. The same is true for guilt.

            Drinking and using drugs often cover up feelings. When people drink and use drugs, they aren’t in touch with their emotions. Thus, when people drink and use drugs, they may not feel guilt or other feelings. Many drugs make people feel less sensitive to what is happening around them, causing them to react much differently than if they were sober. But the guilt can come back, often stronger, when they come down from their high.

 

In recovery, people become aware of the negative consequences of their addiction. They often become aware of the hurt and losses in their lives. When they do, they may feel guilty. However, some people become flooded with this awareness. They may become overwhelmed with guilt, shame, and remorse. When guilt becomes the major feeling in their lives, and overwhelms all other emotions and feelings for extended periods of time, it stops being healthy and normal. Overwhelming guilt is a danger signal that something is seriously wrong. It is often a signal that counselling and self-help group work is necessary.

 

CHILDHOOD GUILT

 People feel guilty when they realize that they have done something wrong and have hurt someone else. However, many children in unhealthy and dysfunction families feel guilty when things go wrong in their families. They may believe that the problems in the families are their fault. They may believe that they should fix the problems. As children, they do not realize that they are powerless to fix an unhealthy family. Since they don’t understand that they’re powerless, they may feel that they have failed and have done something wrong. They feel guilty for something they have not done.

            When a family has serious problems, family members often blame each other. Since young children don’t know better, they often accept this blame for family problems. As they become adults, they may continue to feel guilty even if they haven’t done anything wrong. They may be unaware of how this guilt affects them until the tendency is brought to their attention. For instance, some people tend to apologize even if they haven’t done anything wrong, or they may apologize for what others do. Some people feel the need to take care of the feelings of others, but they ignore their own needs. Also, some people experience periods of depression because they feel unable to change difficult situations.

 

ADULT GUILT

 Some people feel guilty about things for which they are not responsible. But others feel guilty about things they actually did, such as hurting people during active addiction.

            People in recovery are usually learning to face the damage caused by their addiction. During active addiction, people are often unaware of the ways that they harmed others. They are unaware because drinking and using drugs masked their feelings, and because their addiction prevented them from seeing their own behaviors.

            Recovery involves learning to face these realities without becoming consumed with guilt and without using any mood altering drugs. Often, the best way to overcome guilt is to face up to it and make amends, or apologize, for the harm caused. This can be a very difficult process, sometimes painful, but usually the result is a new sense of freedom that comes with others’ forgiveness.

 

UNDERSTANDING POWERLESSNESS

 In Twelve Step groups, you will hear a lot about powerlessness. The term comes from Step One of the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous: “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol that our lives have become unmanageable.” Admitting powerlessness begins with recognizing that alcohol and other drugs are more powerful than your self-control. Admitting that you were powerless over alcohol and other drugs also means recognizing that your life was out of control and that you did things you would not have otherwise done.

 

During early recovery, some people are overwhelmed with guilt as they realize that their addiction was out of control, that their lives were out of control, and that they hurt themselves and others. Being overwhelmed with guilt is not healthy.

            Recognizing your powerlessness helps you to understand why you did what you did. Feeling guilty about the harm you did yourself and to others can be healthy. But healthy recovery means moving beyond guilt.

 

CHILDHOOD FEAR

 Many people who were raised in emotionally unhealthy families have had early experiences of fear. For example, the children of an alcoholic parents are often scared of that parent and of his or her unpredictability.

            Some children’s fears are responses to physical violence. Others fears relate to emotional abuse or psychological pressure. Some children’s fears relate to not being nurtured and never having felt safe and protected. These children may still be fearful, even if time has passed and there has been no violence, abuse, or problems.

            Many children experience fears but don’t acknowledge them. These children repress and deny these feelings. They may still have these fears when they become adults.

 

ADULT FEAR

 Children who learn to ignore and push aside their fears often continue to do so as adults without realizing it. Some will begin to realize that they are experiencing a lot of fear, even when they are not able to identify the source of the anxiety.

            Everyone becomes afraid at times. Obviously, violence and physical threats make people afraid. But people can develop fears and anxieties about money, work, landlords, losing their spouse, or getting old. People can develop fears and anxieties that aren’t connected to specific situations. People can live in fear.

Addicted people tend to hide and medicate their feelings.it may have been months or years since they shared their true feelings with others (or with themselves). Recovering people often fear sharing their feelings with others and even with themselves.

            They may believe that if they keep their feelings to themselves, they are in control. They may believe that if they reveal their feelings to others, they will loss control. They may believe that if they express their emotions, they will go crazy or possibly hurt others or themselves because of their long held anger. These are usually unrealistic fears. Others fear that they will not be able to stop crying because of their sadness, be embarrasses, and lose friends. But, as will be seen, sharing feelings with others is a big part of a healthy recovery. It helps you to move on.

 

FEAR OF LOSING CONTROL

 People in recovery often fear losing control. While drinking and using drugs, their behavior and life was out of control. They may still be dealing with legal, social, and family problems that may seem overwhelming.

            People in recovery may worry that their pent up emotions, fears, and angers are so strong that when released, they may not be able to stop them.

            What people in early recovery often don’t realize is that by opening up and sharing feelings, thought, and fears, they gain control of their lives.

 

Coping with negative emotions is a challenge for everyone. It can be even more of a challenge during recovery. Learning to tolerate negative emotions and deal with them in a healthy way is critical to success in recovery.

 

 

Take a brief moment watch a video on mental health disorders and learn how small steps can make a big difference.

Click on the link below.

Mental health disorders and challenges of care

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